For You, I'd Wait 'Til Kingdom Come
by rachhudson
Summary: It should be known, first and foremost, that Finn loved her first. AU


__**this is a (late) christmas present for jenna, and it's loosely based on mark and juliet's storyline in the film love actually! :)**

* * *

_for you, i'd wait 'til kingdom come_

_i._

It should be known, first and foremost, that Finn loved her first.

He actually introduced Puck and Rachel, funnily enough. Rachel was in his creative writing class his sophomore year of college, and they became fast friends. He thought he even might ask her out for coffee, but Puck demolished that plan before it could even be set in motion, catching them both on their way to class one day, and from the second he winked at Rachel, she was Puck's girl.

Finn never told either one of them how he felt, and now he supposes he never will, because he's standing at Puck and Rachel's engagement party, trying not to look like the way he feels: sick to his stomach.

He's the camera man, in charge of capturing all the special moments that are sure to be occurring. He should probably be taking his job more seriously, but when his best friend's engaged to the girl of his dreams, it's a little hard to want to catch every kiss, every touch. Actually, he'd much rather ignore them.

Puck and Rachel have been together for five years now, and Finn wishes the pain would fade, but it never does. It's always as fresh as it was the very first day, always feels like his heart is being ripped out of his chest when he sees them together. And he has no idea how to make things better, easier.

At the present time, Puck and Rachel are dancing. Puck's making some sort of weird face, and Rachel laughs, her hair tumbling over her shoulder as she throws her head back, her mouth open wide. Finn presses the zoom button on the camera so only Rachel is in the shot, her eyes crinkled around the edges.

She leans forward, and now Puck's in the shot, and she's whispering in his ear, and Finn thinks he might be sick, so he puts the camera down, taking deep breaths in and out. His stepbrother, Kurt, sees him from across the room, and he frowns.

Finn gives him a weak smile.

Kurt knows about Finn's feelings for Rachel, and he's constantly telling Finn that Rachel deserves to know the way he feels, but honestly, what good will it do? She'll just say that Finn's sweet, but she loves Puck, and he already knows that, obviously. Plus Puck will probably punch him, so literally no good would come from her finding out.

He wants the one girl he can't have, and despite the fact that she'll never love him back, he can't help but wish she did.

* * *

_ii._

He can never give Puck and Rachel this video. Puck's in maybe two shots, and the rest of the time, the camera's zoomed in on Rachel's face, making it pretty obvious that there was only person Finn was concerned with the entire night. Maybe if he had drunk a little less, and maybe if he had been able to put aside his feelings for a few hours, things would have turned out differently, but what's done is done, and he can _definitely _never give Puck and Rachel this footage.

The Rachel on screen laughs during Kurt's toast, and the camera zooms in on her mouth, painted cherry red, making her teeth look impossibly whiter. It lingers there for a moment, and then it slowly zooms out far enough to see that Rachel's fingers are firmly entangled with Puck's. The shot cuts off, and next Rachel is talking with her dads, her eyes wide and bright as she tells a story.

Finn smiles. She always makes elaborate hand gestures when she gets into a story, her eyes bright, and her daddy chuckles, gently patting the hand that's not currently moving. Rachel glances over at the camera then, giving a small wave.

Finn swallows, reaching for the remote before he turns off the television.

Yeah, he can definitely never show this to Puck and Rachel.

* * *

_iii._

Rachel calls two days later. Finn sees her name flash across his caller ID, and he considers not answering, but he knows she'd only call back, so he sighs before pressing the 'accept' button. "Hello?"

"Finn! It's Rachel!"

He chuckles. "I know, Rach."

She laughs on the other end as well, and his heart gives a jolt, followed by the guilty feeling that seems to permanently resonate in his stomach. He clears his throat, asks, "Is there, uh, a particular reason as to why you called?" A sick, twisted part of him hopes there isn't.

"Actually, yes," Rachel admits, and he sighs internally. "I was wondering if I could come by and look at the video you took of mine and Noah's engagement party?" She always calls Puck by his given name; Puck hates it, but she does it regardless. "I saw you with the video camera, so I figured you would be my best bet."

Finn swallows, and he hopes his heart doesn't beat right out of his chest. She can't see the video; _she can't. _"I – yeah, I was taping," he admits, "but, uh, I can't seem to find the footage! It's a really weird thing, actually."

He can practically picture Rachel frowning, her bottom lip jutting out, her brow furrowed. "Oh? Like it didn't tape, or you misplaced the tape?"

"Misplaced it," he says quickly. "I think I had a little too much to drink, and I took it out when I got home, so I just can't remember where I put it probably."

"Oh, well…" Rachel sighs, and Finn knows she's disappointed. "If it turns up, please let me know."

Finn feels more guilt pool in his stomach, this time because he's essentially lying to Rachel, but he _knows_ that things would be drastically worse if he let her watch the video. "I will," he says, and he hopes she doesn't notice the way his voice shakes. There's an awkward silence, so he adds, "Well, I better—"

"Finn?" Her voice is soft, fragile.

"Yeah, Rach?"

"Thanks so much for coming to our engagement party. It meant so much to Noah and me."

He sighs. "Of course I went. How could I not?"

"Still," Rachel insists with the same quiet intensity, "you're a good friend, Finn." There's a pause, and then she adds, "You're possibly the very best friend I've ever had." It's like a knife to the heart, and Finn can feel his chest restrict, can feel his throat close up.

"Finn?"

He takes a deep breath in, lets it out. He's okay. He'll be okay. "You're my best friend, too, Rach."

"Even counting Noah?" she asks with a giggle.

"Even then," he promises.

"Don't let Noah hear you saying that. You're his best man, after all."

Finn really wishes she's stop saying things like that. Instead, he simply replies, "I won't, don't worry."

Rachel says she has to go then, and she wishes him a pleasant evening, and like, who says that besides _Rachel_?

He thinks about that after he hangs up, thinks about how much he loves every little thing that makes her _her_, and he thinks about how fucked up he really is for loving her so much. He loves the way her nose scrunches up when she's thinking, they way she curls her toes when her bare foot are cold, the way she sings along to every single song on the radio, her voice like an angel's. And he shouldn't notice all these little things, and he certainly shouldn't fall in love with them, but he has already.

She's his best friend's girl, and surely this is just some form of masochism, these sick, twisted feelings he has for her. So he takes the pain, because he deserves it. She was never even really his in the first place.

* * *

_iv._

His doorbell rings at ten the next morning. Finn frowns, pulling on a pair of sweatpants before he answers the door. A beaming Rachel stands on the other side, a box of doughnuts in her glove-covered hands.

"Hi, Finn!" she chirps. "I brought doughnuts!"

"It's ten in the morning," Finn says slowly, his fingers still curled against the wood of the door.

"Well, you know me, always an early riser." She laughs, and of course he knows that, and predictably, he's always found it endearing. "Anyway, I was in the neighborhood, and I figured I could come over here and help you look for that video!"

Finn feels the color drain from his face. "Oh, um, the place is pretty messy, so…"

"I don't mind," Rachel says brightly, handing Finn the box of doughnuts as she brushes past him, heading inside.

For a moment, he thinks he might be having a heart attack, and he mentally runs through all the signs in his head. He doesn't feel any pain, just panic, so he's probably just overreacting. He takes a few deep breaths before following Rachel into the living room, ignoring the way his heart pounds against his ribcage.

"I really can't find it," he tells her, setting the doughnuts on the coffee table. "I've looked everywhere pretty much, but it really seems—"

"Is this it?" she asks from where she's kneeling, looking at his DVDs. She stands up, a case in her hand. "'Rachel and Puck's engagement party,'" she reads, and she glances up at him, smiling. "Think this might be our best bet?"

"Oh, um, yeah, I – I think it might," he manages to say, and he's desperately trying to think of a reason for her to not watch the disc, but she's already inserting it into his DVD player.

He's almost overcome with the instinct to run, because not only is Rachel going to watch the video, but she's going to watch it right in front of him. He resists though, because if he leaves, she'll definitely know something's up. Maybe she'll just think he was a really shitty camera man, and she won't pick up on how he feels about her.

The video starts, and he watches the Rachel in his apartment instead of the Rachel on the screen. Her eyes light up, and she claps her cheeks with her hands. "Oh, I look lovely," she breathes. She glances over at Finn. "You made me look lovely."

Finn ducks his head. "I didn't do anything, Rach. It's just – it's you."

She beams at him (and he's thankful she didn't seem to think that comment crossed any lines) before turning back to the screen. "Oh, this is beautiful," she breathes, as the camera pans out, showing her and Noah dancing.

Then the shot cuts to one of Rachel, sipping from her champagne glass, and then to one of her laughing, and suddenly it's just shot after shot of her hands and her eyes and her smile, and Finn kind of wants to crawl in a hole and never come out again.

He glances over at Rachel, and she's frowning, her brow furrowed slightly. His heart hammers in his chest. He thinks she's starting to piece things together.

"Finn," she murmurs, and she turns to look at him. "This is – this is me."

He nods curtly, swallows.

"I mean… it's all me."

He wants to run, wants to just get out of his apartment, be anywhere but here.

"I – I don't understand," she whispers. "You've… Noah's your _best friend_, Finn."

He squeezes his eyes shut, rubs his hand over his face, because doesn't she think he _knows that_, knows how _shitty _he feels because of it? "Well, you have the video so…"

"Finn, I didn't know you felt this way—"

"Just… forget about it, okay?" he says, his voice harsher than intended. "It's – it's nothing."

Rachel stands up, frowning, her hands clasped in front of her. "Finn, this doesn't look like nothing—"

"Look, Rachel," he says, his words coming out like a sigh, "we don't have to talk about this, because…" He swallows. "Because you're – you're marrying my best friend and – and I know that, and I'm really sorry I ruined your engagement video."

Rachel's just watching him with sad eyes, and he hates that she's looking at him like that, hates that she's pitying him right now. "Finn," she says, her tone imploring, but he's already shrugging on his jacket. "Where – where are you going?"

He meets her gaze for a second, but her wide eyes are too much for him to handle, so he looks back down. "You can see yourself out, I'm sure."

"Finn, please, can we at least talk about this—"

"What's there to talk about, Rach?"

She looks like he slapped her, and his heart gives a pang, but he knows that this is the best way, the only way. So he turns to go, his hand twisting the doorknob, and then he's out in the hallway of his apartment building, the door clicking shut behind him.

He leans back against the wood for minute, takes a deep breath.

Rachel knows. Rachel _knows_. And she'll probably tell Puck, and Puck's gonna kick his ass, and God, his life is a fucking mess.

He pulls at his hair, feels the tears sting his eyes, but he doesn't let them fall. Instead, he stuffs his hands in his pockets, determined to be anywhere but here.

* * *

_v._

When Finn arrives back at his apartment a few hours later, Rachel's gone, although she did leave a note on his coffee table.

_Finn,_ it reads, _I really do think we need to talk. Please call me. Xo, Rach_

There's even a star after her name, her penmanship the same as it's been since as long as he's known her, and he feels like he might be sick. He feels like an asshole, because he's put her in this terrible position, and he doesn't want this to be hard for her. (It's hard enough for him.)

It's probably best if he doesn't call her, if he just lays low until the wedding. It's only a few months away; surely he can avoid her (and Puck, if she told him) for that long. They can talk after the wedding, and maybe things will be less awkward.

Maybe he'll have stopped loving her by then.

(He doesn't see that as possible, but maybe, if he hopes enough, it will happen. He thinks it's at least worth a shot.)

* * *

_vi._

Rachel comes by the next afternoon. He doesn't answer the door, doesn't even check through the peephole, but he knows it's her because she calls, "Finn? Are you home?"

He doesn't answer (obviously), because he didn't call her and he feels guilty, and he's also just not ready to face her. He doesn't want to see that look of pity on her face again, doesn't want to see the hurt in her eyes.

So he just decides to pretend he's not there.

She tries to knock a few more times, but eventually, she leaves, and somehow, he feels even worse. He meant what he said, when he said Rachel was his best friend, and he knows he's being a shitty friend to her right now, but he just doesn't know how to deal with the fact that she knows that he selfishly thinks of her as more than his best friend. He doesn't want her to be disappointed in him, doesn't want her to keep looking at him like she feels _sorry _for him.

It's not her fault that she's happy and he isn't, not her fault that she fell in love with his best friend. And he knows that he should call her up and tell her that, but he can't, because he's too afraid of what she'll say, and he's afraid of damaging his pride.

His phone buzzes then, and he sees Rachel's name on the screen. He sighs, reaching over to press ignore before turning his phone off completely.

It's just simpler this way, and she may not realize it or appreciate it now, but she will someday, he thinks. Until then, he'll just avoid her and hope that somehow his love for his best friend's fiancée fades away.

* * *

_vii._

He meets Kurt for lunch about a week later. He's been hiding out in his apartment, only leaving to go to work and occasionally pick up some takeout, but he finally turns his phone back on and gets about a thousand angry messages from Kurt, and, well, he can't say no, because he feels guilty enough as it is.

Kurt's already sitting at a table when Finn gets there, and he waves him over. Finn notices he's smiling, but it doesn't reach his eyes, and he swallows guiltily as he sits down.

Kurt's not one for pleasantries and small talk, so he cuts to the chase. "Is everything alright with you, Finn?"

Finn feigns innocence, crinkles his nose in what he hopes is confusion. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

Kurt gives him a look. "So nothing happened between you and Rachel?"

Finn sighs. He should've known that Rachel would tell Kurt. Sometimes he hates that Rachel literally has ties to everyone he knows, that he can't escape her even if he tried. He looks Kurt in the eye, shrugs. "Depends."

Kurt narrows his eyes. "Depends on _what_?" he demands.

Finn sighs again, stretching his fingers. Shouldn't the waitress have been by to get their drink order already? His throat feels suddenly dry. "On what she told you."

Kurt rolls his eyes. "Finn, don't play dumb with me. You know that I know about your feelings for Rachel, and now Rachel knows, and she's a wreck."

"Look, she wasn't supposed to find out—" Finn starts, but Kurt quickly cuts him off.

"But she did, and instead of explaining things to her, you ran, and you ignored her calls and her visits, and she's really hurt, Finn."

Finn sighs, shrinking a little under Kurt's narrowed gaze. "Look, I – I never meant to – to hurt her, or anything. It's just… it's easier to pretend like nothing happened."

"No, it's easier for _you_," Kurt corrects.

Finn looks down at the worn wood of the table. He knows Kurt is probably right.

"Look, Finn," Kurt says, his tone gentler, "Rachel's really confused right now, and sad, and you really owe it to her, to talk to her."

"How, Kurt?" Finn asks, and his voice breaks a little. "How am I supposed to look at her in the eye and tell her that I'm in love with her, knowing that she's in love with my best friend, knowing that she's fucking _marrying _him?" He sighs, then takes a deep breath in. "She's… she's one of my best friends, Kurt," he whispers, "and I don't want to lose her."

"Then talk to her," Kurt urges gently, "otherwise you will."

Their waitress shows up then, perky with a pen and a pad of paper in hand, and Finn thinks about what Kurt said. He knows Kurt's right, and he has to set things right with Rachel, even if it breaks his heart to hear her say what he's known all along out loud: That she loves Puck, and that Finn and Rachel can never be more than friends.

He'd rather be her friend than nothing at all, would rather have one part of her if that's all that he can get. He knows he has a lot of apologizing to do, and he plans on making things up to her, in each and every way he can.

* * *

_viii._

He decides to execute his plan on Christmas Eve. It's a week or so after his initial conversation with Kurt, and he turned his phone back on, completely intent on answering any texts or calls from Rachel and acting like a civil human being. No new ones have come in, however, so he figures she's given up on him.

(He really, really hopes that she hasn't.)

He's walking toward her and Puck's house, one hand gripping an aging boom box he found in one of the supply closets at the school where he teaches, and the other one gripping the pieces of poster board he worked on for hours last night. He wishes he hadn't forgotten his gloves, his hands cold and chapped in the cold, December air, but he decides he shouldn't worry about that now.

He lets out a long, slow breath, a single cloud visible in the air in front of him, as he makes his way up the sidewalk to the front door. His heart is pounding as he knocks on the door, and he knows that the success of this plan all hangs within the next few seconds, all hangs depending on who opens the door.

He waits for a few seconds, and then the door swings open, and he lets out a sigh of relief, because it's Rachel, and he doesn't have to make up some ridiculous lie to tell Puck.

"Finn?" she asks, her expression surprised. "What are you—"

"Who is it?" he hears Puck call from inside.

He puts a finger to his lips, leaning down and pressing the play button on the boom box, "Silent Night" coming out of the speakers.. She still looks puzzled, so he grabs his pieces of poster board, holding up the first one so she can see the words he printed on it in bold, black, uppercase letters.

_If Puck asks who's at the door, just say it's Christmas carolers._

Rachel gives him a funny look, but she shouts back to Puck that it's just some children caroling for Christmas, and Puck shouts back to just slam the door in their faces and to come back inside. Finn resists the urge to roll his eyes. Instead, he flips to the next piece of poster board.

_I'm really sorry, Rachel, for making you feel like I was blowing you off. _

Next piece of poster board.

_You're my best friend, and that's the last thing I wanted to do, to make you feel like you didn't matter to me._

He takes a deep breath. Flips to the next one. He watches her eyes read over the words, then lock onto his. His heart pounds in his chest. She smiles.

_In fact, you matter more to me than anyone._

Next.

_As you know, it's Christmas, and at Christmas, you tell the truth…_

He takes a deep breath before he flips to the next card, knowing that these are the words that could change everything, that these are the words that will finally let Rachel know how he truly feels about her.

_To me, you are perfect, and my wasted heart will love you until you look like this._

He flips to the next card, where he's pasted a picture of a decaying mummy, and Rachel laughs, pressing her hand to her mouth. Her eyes are filled with tears, and Finn's not entirely sure what that means. He hopes they aren't sad tears. He flips to the final card.

_I don't expect anything in return. I just thought that you should know. Merry Christmas, Rach._

Rachel just looks at him after she's finished reading, tears still in her eyes, her expression unreadable. He gives her a small smile and a slight nod, picking up the boom box and the pieces of poster board. He turns to go when he hears her, her voice soft. "Finn, wait a second."

He turns back around, blood pounding in his ears. She's still in the doorway, still watching him. "Merry Christmas," she whispers.

He smiles, and then he heads back up the sidewalk.

He feels lighter, not that she knows. He feels free. Sure, she's marrying his best friend, but maybe things will be easier now. Maybe now he won't be wondering what might've been, and he'll know that Rachel will be happy.

Who knows, maybe he'll even be happy, too.

* * *

_ix._

Finn spends Christmas with Kurt and their parents, and it's nice, he thinks. They watch movies and eat and laugh and have fun, and Finn feels really, truly happy for the first time in a long time. Kurt asks him how things went with Rachel, and he just sort of shrugs, says that she knows now, and that's what matters.

Kurt gives him a small smile, pats him on the hand. "I'm proud of you, Finn."

Finn just smiles, taking a sip from his mug of hot chocolate. He's kind of proud of himself, too.

* * *

_x._

It's the day after Christmas, and Finn's messing with the new iPad Kurt got him (along with, like, fifty scarves, but he doesn't really think he'll use those as much) when he hears a light knock against his door.

He honestly has no idea who he's expecting to be on the other side of the door, but it certainly isn't Rachel Berry. Her arms are crossed over her chest, a few pieces of snow clinging to strands of her dark hair. She smiles, and he thinks she's never looked so beautiful.

"Hello, Finn," she greets quietly.

He blinks a few times, even pinches his arm lightly to make sure he's not dreaming. "Rachel," he manages to finally say, "what are you doing here?"

She's still smiling, but her mouth is closed. "Can I come inside?"

"Yeah, of course," he says quickly, stepping aside to let her in.

She takes off her hat and scarf, and he honestly has no idea why she's here. She's marrying his best friend, but she knows that Finn's in love with her, and her being here is possibly the most confusing thing Finn can imagine.

She turns around and notices him watching her, and she gives him another small smile. There's something different in her eyes, something that he doesn't remember being there before.

He swallows. "Do you, um, do you want to sit down?"

She nods, following him over to the couch. She sits so she's slightly facing him, her legs crossed at the ankle, and he lets out a long, slow breath. He doesn't say anything to her. He feels like she wants to talk first, so he'll just let her take her time.

She stares at her hands, her thumbs moving in aimless patterns, for what feels like a long time (although it's probably just a few minutes). Finally, she lets out a breath, and then she begins to talk. "I – I thought a lot about – about what you said – well, wrote. On those pieces of poster board."

Finn feels like his heart might beat out of his chest. "I – I wasn't trying to – to screw anything up, Rach. I was just trying to tell the truth."

"I know," she assures him, moving her hand so that it's covering his. Her fingers feel soft against his skin, her touch light but sure. She bites her lip. "And I'm glad you did. I didn't – I had _no idea_ that way you felt that way about me, Finn—"

"Would it have even changed anything?" he asks her, giving her a grim smile.

She sighs, glances down at their hands. "Yes," she whispers, and he thinks he stops breathing. "It would have changed everything." She glances back up at him. "Actually, I – I think it _has _changed everything."

Finn can feel his throat closing up, can't seem to breathe. "Rachel, I don't—"

"When we first met, I had the biggest crush on you," Rachel confesses, her words practically tumbling over each other. "I – At first, I only said yes to Noah's date proposition to – to make you jealous." She laughs humorlessly, running a hand through her hair. "I never – I honestly didn't expect to fall for him, but I did."

His heart is pounding, his pulse racing, and he thinks he might be sick. He thought he was okay with Rachel marrying Puck, but knowing that he could have had a chance and he _missed it_ makes him physically ill to imagine her walking down that aisle and him standing next to the groom.

"I love Noah, Finn," Rachel whispers, "and – and I thought that was enough, was what I wanted, even, until… until I saw your video. Then I realized that – that the way I love Noah and the way he loves me, it isn't the way I want to be loved."

Finn just stares at her. All he can do is stare. He doesn't know what any of this means, doesn't want to dare to dream that he impossibly still has a shot with Rachel Berry.

"You really do love me, don't you?" Rachel asks, her eyes welling up with tears.

Finn nods. He can't speak.

"And – and you notice all my nuances, the little things that make me different, and they don't annoy you or – or make you love me any less?"

Finn nods again.

Rachel wipes at her eyes, sniffing loudly. "Noah's never… I don't think he loves me as much as you do. And – and I always told myself it was because you are my very best friend, but now… now I think it's different."

"Rachel," he murmurs, his voice hoarse. He thinks his confusion must show on his face, because she's giving him another small smile, and she looks like she might start crying.

"I've been so blind, Finn," she whispers. "You were there all along and I didn't – I didn't think you could possibly be in love with me—"

"Rach, I've been in love with you since the moment I saw you," he answers her truthfully, and then she's kissing him, and he's not sure if she moved or he did, but his hands are on her waist and hers are wrapped around his neck and she's kissing him like he's her lifeline, like she needs him, and for a second, he lets himself think that maybe, just maybe, she loves him, too.

Then he remembers Puck, and he forces himself to pull away.

"What is it?" Rachel asks, furrowing her brow as she studies his expression. "What's wrong?"

"Puck," he says. "I – you're getting married to my _best friend_, Rachel—"

"No, I'm not," she murmurs, pressing her lips against his neck.

His eyes flutter closed, and then he realizes what she's said, so he opens them widely again. "You're not?"

She shakes her head, smiles that secret smile he suspects is just for him. "I can't marry Noah when I'm in love with someone else."

Finn doesn't think he's ever been so happy. He grips the back of Rachel's neck, pressing his mouth urgently against hers, his tongue sliding inside of her mouth, and _God_, he's wanted to do this for so long. It's better than he ever imagined, tasting her, feeling her skin beneath his fingertips. He doesn't think about the repercussions of this revelation, doesn't think about Puck for once, but just about Rachel and him and _them_. They _love _each other.

He feels her smile, and her hands slide under his shirt.

Things start happening very fast; clothes are shed, hands roam, tongue meets skin. Finn thinks that maybe they should slow down, but then Rachel's sliding off her bra and pressing his hands against her bare breasts and all thoughts go out the window.

Suddenly they're both naked on his couch, and Rachel's intertwining their fingers and whispering it's always been him, that she's so sorry she ever thought differently, and then he's kissing her nose, her cheeks as he pushes into her for the first time. She lets out a moan, her hips rising to meet his, their bodies moving in time with one another. Her mouth finds his throat and she gently nips at his skin, her fingers playing with the hairs on the nape of his neck and he doesn't think he's going to last much longer. He snakes his hand between them, and then she's gasping and coming and he never thought it could be like this, so completely and perfectly wonderful. He comes right after she does, and he knows that he won't – can't – ever regret this moment where Rachel is completely his.

She curls her body into his, her arm draped across his waist. He nuzzles her nose. She giggles.

"I love you, Finn," she whispers, and it's the first time he's heard those words in that order, so what is he supposed to do besides kiss her?

He tells her he loves her, too, as he pulls away, and she smiles sleepily, pressing a kiss to his chest.

* * *

_xi._

Rachel stays at his apartment for a few days, and she tells him about how things went down with Puck. She called off the wedding a few days ago, telling him that things just weren't working out. He was upset (understandably so), but all Rachel told him was that there was someone else. She didn't tell him it was Finn, because, she said, if Finn had decided he didn't want to be with her after all, she didn't want to cause problems.

Finn sighs, rubbing his hand over his face. "Well, I guess we need to tell him."

Rachel pales, says, "Finn, he's your _best friend_, and I don't want—"

"I want to do this, Rachel," he tells her, his voice low. He looks into her eyes, cups her face with his hand. "I love you, and I want to be with you."

Rachel smiles, leaning forward and kissing him.

Neither one of them expects things to go down the way they do.

Rachel convinces Finn that, while having sex on nearly every surface of his apartment is nice, they need to get out for a while, so they go to the park near Finn's house. They're just walking, their hands linked, and this is how Finn wishes the last five years had gone, if Rachel were his girl instead of Puck's, if he had just told her how he felt from the beginning. Maybe they'd be married by now; maybe she'd be wearing his ring on her finger.

He hopes that can at least come later.

He's too busy looking at Rachel instead of the path in front of him, so he doesn't see Puck until he's being pushed to the ground. Rachel screams, and then a fist is flying at Finn's face, and all Finn can feel is a sharp pain in his mouth. He thinks he can taste blood, and he sees Puck's angry face above him, Rachel's hands on his shoulders as she tries to get him to stop.

"I can't believe you _fucking_ _did this to me_!" he yells, and he tries to go in for another punch, but Finn reaches up and grabs his wrist.

"Dude, I wasn't trying to hurt you—"

"Bull_shit_!" Puck says, raising his other fist, but Rachel grabs him. "You always had some weird fucking crush on _my_ girlfriend, but this has gone too far—"

"I love her, Puck, okay?" he shouts, and Puck stops moving for a second, just looks at him, his expression unreadable. Finn takes a deep breath, wipes some of the blood from the corner of his mouth. "I've loved her since before you even knew her."

Puck stands up, his eyes never leaving Finn's face. "You never told me," he says finally.

Finn sits up, rubbing the back of his head. "I didn't know how."

"And you love him?" Puck asks Rachel.

Rachel nods. "I do."

"More than me?"

She sighs, glancing between the two of them. "It's – it's different. The love I have for you both. Because I do love you, Noah, I just—" She trails off, biting her lip.

Puck sighs. "Just not the way you love him."

"I'm so sorry," Rachel whispers.

Puck holds up a hand. "Save it."

"Noah!" she calls, but he's already walking away, running his hand over his mohawk.

Finn watches him go, and he feels a little guilty, but then Rachel's kneeling in front of him, her fingers touching his bloody lip, and he doesn't feel so guilty anymore. Rachel's worth it. "He'll be okay," he mutters, noting her worried expression.

Rachel sighs, running her hand through his hair. "I hope so." She studies him for a few more seconds before pressing a kiss to his cheek. "C'mon, let's get you all cleaned up." She helps him up, frowning when he winces, but he assures her he'll be okay.

And he will be. And so she will see. And so will Puck, even.

He's pretty confident that things were meant to turn out this way.

* * *

_xii._

It takes a few months for Puck to come around, but he does eventually, after he's met this girl named Quinn on a business trip he takes to Atlanta. He invites Finn out for a beer and tells him all about her, and Finn's happy for him, and tells him so.

"Yeah," Puck says, and he smiles. "I guess I have you to thank, ultimately."

"Puck, I—"

"Honestly," Puck says shortly, "don't worry about it. I can tell you and Rachel really do love each other."

Finn smiles, claps him on the back. "Thanks. We do."

"So when you gonna pop the question?"

Finn chokes on his beer, and Puck has to pound him on the back. He didn't know if they were there yet, but Puck's just looking at him intently, and not in a way that suggests he might want to kill Finn depending on the answer.

"I – I have a ring," Finn admits.

Puck grins. "Well, what are you waiting for?"

"I don't know," Finn admits, and he thinks that maybe he was waiting for Puck's approval.

"You two deserve it," Puck says. "And it's not like she's gonna say _no_. I could even videotape the engagement party if you'd like," he adds with a wry smile, and Finn gives him a light shove.

"I'll figure something out," Finn promises.

They drink in silence for a few more minutes, and then Puck says, "I'm really glad she ended up with you."

Finn doesn't have to ask who Puck's talking about. "Yeah?"

Puck nods once, decisively. "Yeah."

Finn smiles, taking another swig of his beer.

* * *

_xiii._

He asks Rachel to marry him on his birthday, and he's really nervous even though he knows she's going to say yes. She's holding his birthday cake with the candles all lit (even though he told her she didn't have to make one because it's just the two of them anyway), and he can see the reflection of the flames in her eyes as well as the surprise when he's suddenly getting down on one knee.

She practically drops the cake when he says, "You know what would be the best birthday present?"

She sets the cake down on the table, shakes her head. "What?"

"If you'd marry me."

She starts crying and nodding, so he stands up and hugs her, pressing kisses across her face. He slips the ring on her finger, and she looks at it then back up at him before she bursts into tears once more.

Later, after they've had engagement sex and then "congrats on the engagement sex" sex, her leg is hooked around his calf, her face pressed against his bare chest, and she whispers that she knows things are different this time.

"How so?" he asks.

"I – I've never felt this happy before."

He kisses her, tells her he loves her, wraps an arm around her and keeps her pressed tightly to him. "I always knew you were the one," he whispers into her hair.

He can feel her smile, her fingers pressed against his side. "Deep down, I always knew you were the one, too."

* * *

_xiv._

"Feelin' alright, Hud?" Puck asks, nudging Finn slightly.

Finn takes a deep breath in. Nods. "Just nervous."

Puck rolls his eyes. "Why? You know you two are meant to be together."

"I know," Finn says, "but… this is really forever, you know?"

"Yeah, yeah, but you're already pretty whipped so I don't know how much this will change things," Puck deadpans. He winks at Quinn, who's sitting in the third row.

Finn laughs, then clears his throat. "Thanks for being my best man. Well," he backtracks, seeing his stepbrother's glare, "for sharing the title with Kurt."

"What're best friends for?" Puck asks, but before Finn can reply, the organist starts playing and everyone stands up to see the bride walk down the aisle.

Finn's breath catches in his throat as he sees her there, in her wedding dress, and he doesn't think he's ever seen something more beautiful. He also knows that the one thing he's been sure about is Rachel, and he's so glad that he gets to be the one who marries her, who gets to spend the rest of his life with her.

Her dads walk her down the aisle, but all Finn can see is her, and it's going to be him and her for the rest of their lives. He doesn't even know why he was nervous now.

A future with Rachel sounds perfect.

Rachel's dad puts her hands in Finn's, and Finn smiles at Rachel. In a few minutes she'll be his _wife_.

He glances over at Puck, and he notices he's smiling as well as he watches the two of them.

He loved her first, and she's going to be not only the last, but the only girl he loves. And he'll certainly love her best.

* * *

**special thanks to mary gael, shanna, and laura for reading the snippets i sent them and for being wonderful!**

**reviews are greatly appreciated :)**


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